The Invisible Labour : “My Mother Does Not Work”

 

“My Mother Does Not Work”

We are used to see woman work around the house, from early in the morning to late at night. They fetch and store water, clean the house and the surroundings, cook, wash everyone’s clothes, take care of the children and the elderly, and attend to those who may be sick. All these back breaking work is pulled together in what is called “house work”.

Women seem “naturally” suited to house work. Others may “help” them, for house work is actually their responsibility. In our society, womanhood is defined through these activities. It is common to speak of women who are not good at these activities as un-womanly.

In fact, we have shocked if all this is described as “work” because it is generally considered as an expression of women's love for the family. They are not expected to want appreciation, remuneration or even anything else in return. The more selfless and service oriented a woman is the better she is considered. So, even when woman work outside the home and earn money for the family, they are expected to cook, take care of everyone, and also work around the house.

“The guilt that the speaker does not feel haunts the reply”

We all know that there are no such similar expectations of men. Girls in a family are required to help with housework, but not the boys. Men are expected to earn for the family, but not to share the work around the house or to look after the people in the house. Of course some men and some boys do help in the house in the house and do cook. Their numbers may be growing, but even today, that is not generally true. The message that men get from society is that they should not do housework. Men who help in the house may even be laughed at.

 

The teacher’s question – “What does your mother do?”

The automatic answer – “Nothing she’s a housewife”

The guilt that the speaker does not feel haunts the reply.

The knowledge

That the one who wiped and polished the shoes on his feet.

Who washed an ironed the clothes on his body-

Who made the dosa he ate for breakfast-

Who packed the tiffin box in his bag-

The one who does these things every day

Does nothing . . .  she is only a mother.

 

The funny thing is that men do all these activities for money. And when they work for pay, they specialize in doing only one thing. We all know Sanjeev Kapoor, the famous chef, don’t we? In hotels, housekeeping is a postgraduate specialization. Male nurses, ward boys and doctors care for the elderly and sick. Washer people can be both men and women. Laundries are usually run by men. Men are tailors.

Let us think about these questions with the help of the following poem by Vimala, “Vantillu.”

Here, a woman tells the story of women’s lives. It’s the story of the poet’s mother, and all “mothers”. It is the story as well. History brings no change to women’s lives. What was fun when children played together, turns into drudgery for the grown woman who slaves alone. We never learn the mother’s name – for even the speaker’s name. the mother is a ghost who haunts the poet’s kitchen, her arms turned into spoons and spatulas. The poet remembers her as flaring up like a furnace sometimes. But her anger did not start any revolution. In fact, despite the lifetime that women have given to kitchen, the names engraved, even on the vessels are those of their husbands.

 

Modernity brings the poet a fancy kitchen with modern gadgets. But she remains, like her mother, a slave to its demands. Even though some of the details of the poem may sound specific to some families and communities , it highlights the nature of compulsion and drudgery in everyday cooking.

 

Vantillu (The Kitchen)

I remember the kitchen’s

Flavor upon flavor,

A  mouthwatering treasury,

Pungence of seasonings,

And the aroma of incense

From the prayer room

Next door. Each morning

The kitchen awoke

To the swish of churring butter

The scaping of scoured pots.

And in the center, the stove.

Fresh washed with mud, painted

And bedecked, all set to burn.

 

We saved secret money in the

Seasoning box; hid sweets too,

And played at cooking with lentils and

Jaggery.

We played mother and father,

In the magic world of kitchen

That wrapped childhood in its spell.

 

No longer playground for the grownup

Girl

Now trained into kitchenhood.

Like all the mothers

And mothers’ mothers before her, in

The kitchen

She becomes woman right here.

Our kitchen is a mortuary.

pans, tins, gunny bags

crowd it like cadavers

that hang amid clouds of damp wood

smoke.

Mother floats, a ghost here.

a floating kitchen herself,

her eyes melted in tears,

her hands worn to spoons,

her arms, spatulas that turn

into long frying pans, and

other kitchen tools.

Sometimes mother glows

like a blazing furnace

and burns through the kitchen,

pacing, restless, a caged tiger,

banging pots and pans.

How easy, they say,

the flick of the ladle and the cooking’s

done.

No one visits now.

No one comes to the kitchen

except to eat.

 

My mother was queen of the kitchen,

but the name engraved on the pots and

pans

Is Father’s.

 

Luck, they say, landed e in my great

kitchen

gas stove, grinder, sink, and tiles.

I make cakes and puddings,

not old-fashioned snacks as my mother

did.

But the name engraved on pots and

pans

is my husband’s.

 

My kitchen wakes to the whistle of the pressure cooker, the whirl of the electric grinder.

I am a well-appointed kitchen myself, turning around like a mechanical doll. My kitchen is a workshop, a clattering, busy butcher stall, where I cook and serve, clean, and cook again. In dreams, my kitchen haunts me, my artistic kitchen dreams, the smell of seasonings even in jasmine.

Damn all kitchens. Many they burn to cinders,

The kitchens that steal our dreams, drain

Our lives, eat our days – like some enormous vulture.

Let us destroy those kitchens that turned us into serving spoons. Let us remove the names engraved on pots and pans.

Come, let us tear out these private stoves,

Before our daughters must step

Solitary into these kitchens.

For our children’s sake,

Let us destroy these lonely kitchens.

ACS - Record Work

 

Page: 1 –

1.INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

i) Role Play

ii) Vocabulary Building

2. Reading Comprehension

3. Group Discussion

4. Interview Skills

5. Writing Skills

6. Presentation Skills

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

*COMMUNICATION

* CONVERSATION

* BODY LANGUAGE

* ROLE PLAY

* VOCABULARY BUILDING

 

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COMMUNICATION

Communication is the process of receiving & giving verbal, non-verbal message that produce a response.

Elements of Communication:

Sender:

As a sender-encoder you use symbols that express your message & created the desired response.

Message:

You must decide what the main point of your message is and what other information to include.

Medium:

Your medium can be printed word, electronic mail (or) sound.

Receiver: (Decoder)

The receiver-decoder is influenced by context and by his (or) her, mental filter.

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Feedback:

Feedback can be an oral or written message. An action or simply silence, it could be either positive or negative.

 

Types of Communication:

 

Verbal:

Oral (or) Written.

Non-Verbal (Kinesics)

Body language communicates & it includes

*Personal appearance.

*Appearance of the surroundings communicates.

Personal Appearance : -

Physical appearances – communicates a person’s nationality, age, profession, sex mood, economic, social status, character etc.

Appearance of surroundings communicates:

Facial expressions, Posture & movement, smell, touch, voice & sounds, silence, time & space also communicates.

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Principles of communication:

*COMPLETENESS

*CONCISENESS

*CONSIDERATION

*CONCRETENESS

*CLARITY

*COURTESY

*CORRECTNESS

COMPLETENESS:

a. Answer all the questions asked

b. Give something extra, when needed

c. Check for the ‘wh’ & ‘h’

CONCISENESS:

a. Eliminate wordy expression

b. Include only relevant material

c. Avoid unnecessary repetition

CONSIDERATION:

a. Focus of ‘you’ instead of ‘I’ ‘WE’

b. Show receiver-benefit (or) interest in the receiver.

c. Emphasize positive, pleasant facts.

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CONCRETENESS:

a. Use specific facts& figures

b. Put action in your verbs.

c. Choose vivid, image building verbs.

CLARITY:

a. Choose precise, familiar & conversational words.

b. Construct effective sentences & paragraphs.

COURTESY:

a. Be sincere, factful, thoughtful & appreciative.

b. Use expressions that shows respect.

c. Choose non-discriminatory expressions.

CORRECTNESS:

a. Use the right level of language.

b. Check accuracy of figures, facts & words.

c. Maintain acceptable writing mechanics.

 

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CONVERSATION

The search for a common ground- when starting conversation initially with people you do not know, try & structure the around common ground subjects.

Some typical common ground subjects include:

*Work

*Where you live

*Sports

*Music

*Travel

Keeping the conversation going:

Ask open ended question:

Why? How? What? Find the hot button topics (topic that you both are interested in)

Be attentive: Learn to listen actively

Attitude: What can I learn from this person?

What is this person really saying?

Don’t be afraid to change the subject!

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SELF DISCLOSURE

*Talk about yourself

*Tell stories

*Share expressions (provide details, use dialogues)

*Give opinions

*Express feelings

*React emotionally

*Show enthusiasm

 

*Be in the moment:

Create Reciprocity: Give feedback, compliments & use names refer to the situation, surroundings, circumstances, people etc.

*Be in the light:

Use wit & Humor. Try gentle self-deprecation in check (or)teasing.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:

Voice: speak distinctly, slowdown if necessary.

Practice the S-O-F-T-E-N.

-Smile

-Open arms

-Forward lean

-Touch

-Eye contact

-Nod

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Conversational tips (Business)

Questions you could ask at work or any business-related functions.

*How did you come up with the idea?

*Describe a typical day on the job?

*How did you get started in the business?

*What got you enjoy most about it?

*Describe some of the challenges in your industry?

*What are the trends in your business?

*What advice would you give for someone just starting in this business?

*Any significant changes.

*Strongest accident/incident you have experienced in your business?

*What is the best job that you ever had?

*Most difficult part of your job?

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GUIDELINES:

Step1:

Stay up to date on what is happening in the world so that you have plenty of things to talk about. Read local newspaper & watch the news so that you can knowledgably participate in discussions current events.

Step2:

Prepare yourself before you attend where you will meet people. Rehearse what you will say Infront of a mirror.

Step3:

Ask a lot of questions, people like to talk about themselves & then lives however make sure you keep the questions simple don’t ask too personal information.

Step 4:

Listen to others, people can sense when you are not really interested  in they have what they have to say. They don’t want to waste time talking to someone who doesn’t listen. You must show a sincere interest in others for them to express a sincere interest in you.

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Step5:

Take a role of what is going on around you. Use your surroundings to come up with conversation data.

Step6

Smile & talk at others in the eye. Everyone enjoys being positive confident people. The more confident you at, the more confident you become.

Step 7:

Keep practicing force yourself to strike up conversation with stranger in different situations. The more you practice, better you will become at starting conversation.

 

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PRACTISING CONVERSATION SKILLS:

*Kick start conversations:

There is nothing worse, when meeting someone for the first time than that awkward silence after the initial creating.

*Kick the silence into orbit with these conversation starters:

-> How was your day?

->You look really nice.

->How was work.

->Have you seen any movie recently?

->Have you ever been to a local restaurant.

->What kind of food do you like?

->Where are you from?

->Have you read these books?

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STARTING AND KEEPING CONVERSATION GOING:

Here are some useful tips to start & keep conversation going.

Be the first to say hello.

Introduce yourself to others.

Remember people’s names.

Show interest in other’s conversation.

Keep up to date on current events.

Seek out other people’s opinions.

 

Here are some ideas that you might use to start a conversation:

*Excuse me! Have you go the frame time to talk to me?

*Hai! How is it going.

*Hey! What’s up?

 

To a shop assistant you might say:

*Can I get your opinion, which one suits me better blue or white?

*What time do you close today?

*What time do you open the shop tomorrow?

*How long you have been working here?

*What is your name?

*What do you like about here?

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ROLEPLAY

WHY ROLEPALY:

1. Roleplay is a fastest way to improve speaking & listening skills for real life situations.

2. Roleplay uses scripts that you read with your partner like actions in drama.

3. Roleplay gives your information about your role.

Roleplay to practice English:

*Roleplay helps speak English in full sentences.

*Roleplay makes you think about what you are saying. So, you remember the language.

*Roleplay gives you many ideas to think & talk about.

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TYPES OF ROLEPLAY:

1. Situational

2. Story

3. Short

4. Long

Tips to overcome stage fear:

1. Work on your deeper fears.

2. Appreciate your individuality

3. Take deep breaths.

4. Take opportunities as they come

5. Stop saying you are shy

6. Release the past.

7. Learn to speak up

8. Creative visualization

9. Get role models.

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Example 1.

Customer: Hello!

Receptionist: Hello! How can I help you?

Customer: I want to know the details of the course your institute offer?

Receptionist: Oh ok. Our institute offers two courses French and German.

Customer: Okay. So, what are the timings of classes, fee structure and course material?

Receptionist: Yes mam. We provide an opportunity for the students to choose their specific timing and the fee for the course is 8000/- for three months and we do provide your course material.

Customer: Is the fee same for both French and German.

Receptionist: Yes, the fee for French and German is same. Now tell me in which course you are interested in?

Customer: French

Receptionist: By the next week the classes are going to begin. So what timings you would prefer?

Customer: I want to come for evening batch i.e., 7.00-8.30pm.

Receptionist: Ok mam. Thanks for choosing our institute.

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Example 2

Friend 1: Hello friend what’s up? You been so busy that  you are unable to remember your friends

Friend 2: Excuse me! Who is this?

Friend 1: Am I talking to Mr. Karthik?

Friend 2: No

Friend 1: Hey you might be kidding I called the same number three months back.

Friend 2: No! Karthik doesn’t live here any more they moved to Mumbai.

Friend 1: Ok. Do you have his number?

Friend 2: No

Friend 1: Ok! Sorry for troubling you.

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Vocabulary Building

Your fluency is directly proportional to vocabulary.

Your IQ is directly proportional to vocabulary.

Definition:

All the words known & used by a particular person

Topic:

Synonyms:

1. Synonyms are the words with identical & similar meanings.

2. Words that are synonyms are said to be

3. The state of being a synonym is called synonymy.

Example:

a.  own – possess

b. infant – baby

c. leap- jump

d. alike- same

e. sniff – smell

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Antonym:

A word that expresses a meaning opposed to the meaning of another word in which the two words are antonyms at each other.

1. accomplishment   x   failure

2. apparent   x   obscure

3. amateur   x professional

4. elementary   x   advanced

5. fiction   x   fact

Prefixes:-

Prefixes are added to the beginning of word. Prefixes change the meaning of word.

Example

 

Prefix                                Meaning                             Example

1. Un                               not, opposite of                Unhappy, unable

2. Re                               again, back                        return, rewrite

3. in, im, ill                     not, opposite of                 immortal, immature, impossible

                                                                                  Incomplete, illiterate

4. dis                               not, opposite of                  dislike, disorder

5. en, em                           cause to                            embrace, enjoy, enable

 

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Suffixes:

Suffixes are added to the word at the end of it. suffix change the parts of speech of a word.

Example:

Suffixes                            Meaning                                               Example

S, es                                   Plural forms                                    hats, boxes, dresses

Ed                                      past tense verbs                               wounded

Ing                                     verb form/ present                           flying

Ly                                      characteristic of                                  badly

Er, or                                 person connected                              preacher. Bachelor

 

Affixes:

Affixes are when added to the base/root word new words are connected.

Example:

Affix                 Phonetic Pronunciation

A                       above

Bi                     bilingual

Co                    co-author

Dis                   disengage

Pre                    predate                                                     

 

 

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Word Roots:

A root, as its name suggest is a word (or) word part from which other word grew. Usually through the affixes.

 

Example

Root                                      Meaning                                        Example

Aster - (G)                             star                                             asteroid, astronomy

Audi- (L)                                hear                                            audible, audience

Auto - (G)                              self                                             automatic

Bene –(L)                              good                                             benefit, begin

Bio – (G)                                life                                               biography, biology

Idioms:

It is an expression, word (or) phrase that has a figurative meaning that is comprehend in regard to a common use of that expression that is separate from the literal meaning (or) definition of the words of the words of which it is made.

Examples:

1. Acid test

Acid test proves the effectiveness of something.

I practiced hard at the dance session but the acid test will come when the master will assess the solo performance.

 

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2. Chase your trail:

When you spending lor of time & energy doing a lot of things.

He has been chasing his tail all the week collecting dates but the report is still not ready.

Phrasal verb:

It is combination of a verb & a preposition, a verb & an adverb (or) a verb with both preposition & an adverb. A phrasal verb often has a meaning which is different from the original verb.

 

Example:

1. made up: I made up an excuse

2. broke down: My car broke down

3. hang out: where do you want to hang out.

4. dress down: why does he always dress down?

5. Put up: who can put up with that?

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Analogy:

The word analogy can refer to all relation between the source and the target themselves which is often a similarity.

Example:

1. What cold is to ice, heat is to fire.

2. What dog is to a kennel, a rabbit to a burrow.

3. A rudder is to a ship as a goal is to a person.

4. Red is to strawberries as black is to blackberries.

5. Bray is to donkey bark is to dog.

Collocations:

The way words occur together often unpredictive manner.

Example.

1. Adverb + Adjective

We entered a richly decorated room.

Are you fully aware of the implications of your action?

2. Preposition + Adjective

The sales of Google company are indeclinable

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Acronym:

A pronounceable name made up of series of initial letters (or) parts of words.

Example:

1. NATO – North Atlantic Treaty Organization

2. WHO – World Health Organization

3. LASER – Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation

4. UNO – United Nations Organization

5. IBM- International Business Machine,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gender Sensitization: First Lessons in Caste

 First Lessons in Caste:

All of you must have heard of Dr. BR Ambedkar (1891-1956), a very important national leader and architect of the Indian constitution. He was also  the primary spokesperson for the dalits (former untouchables) in our country. Ambedkar's family was from Ratnagiri district in Maharashtra. His father had left their hereditary occupation as a Mahar to work in the British Army. After retirement he worked as a cashier in Goregaon. This is an account written by Ambedkar himself which tells us about a journey from Dapoli to Goregaon. He was nine years old  at that time and was going, with other children in the family, to spend the summer vacation with his father. At the end of this excerpt Ambedkar discusses how he learnt that for society he was an untouchable !

     " I WAS A BOY OF NINE WHEN IT HAPPENED"

     .....Great preparations were made. New shirts of  English make, bright, bejewelled caps, new shoes, new silk-bordered dhotis were ordered for the journey. My father had given us all the particulars regarding our journey and has told us to inform him on which day we were starting so that he would send his peon to the railway station to meet us and to take us to Goregaon.

     The railway station was 10 miles from our place and a tonga was engaged to take us to the station. We were dresses in the new clothing specially made for the occassion and we left our home full of joy...

     When we reached the station my brother bought the tickets and gave me and my sisiter's son two annas each as pocket money to be spent at our pleasure, We at once began our career of riotous living and each ordered a bottle of lemonade. After a short while, the train whistled in and we boarded it as quickly as we could for fear of being left behind. We were told to detrain at Masur, the nearest railway station to Goregaon.

     The train arrived at Masur at about 5 in the evening and we got down with our luggage. In a few minutes all the passengers who had got down from the train had gone away to their destination. We four children remained on the platform looking out for my father or his servant whom he had promised to send. Long did we wait, but no one turned up. An hour elapsed and the station-master came to enquire. He asked us for our tickets. We showed them to him. He asked us why we tarried. We told him we were bound for Goregaon and that we were waiting for father or his servant to come, but that neither had turned up and that we did not know how to reach Goregaon. We were well-dressed children. From our dress or talk no one could make out that  we were children of untouchables. Indeed the station-master was quite sure we were Brahmin children and was extremely touched at the plight in which he found us. As is usual among the Hindus, the station-master asked us who we were. Without a moment's thought I blurted out that we were Mahars. He was stunned. His face underwent a sudden change. We could see that he was overpowered by a strange feeling of repulsion. As soon as he heard my reply, he went away to his room and and we stood where we were, Fifteen minutes elapsed; the sun was almost setting. Father has not turned up nor had he sent his servant, and now the station-master had also left us. We were quite bewildered, and the joy and happiness which we felt at the beginning of the journey gave way to a feeling of extreme sadness.

    After half an hour the station-master returned and asked us what we proposed to do. We said that if we could get a bullock-cart on hire we would go to Goregaon, and if it was not very far we would like to start straightway. There were many bullock-carts plying for hire. But my reply to the station-master that we were Mahars  has gone round among the cartmen and not one of them was prepared to suffer being polluted an to demean himself carrying passenger of untouchable classes. We were prepared to pay double the fare but we found money did not work.

     The station-master, who was negotiating on our behalf, stood silent not knowing what to do. Suddenly a thought seemed to have entered his head and he asked us, "Can you drive the cart?" Feeling that he was finding a solution for our difficulty, we shouted, "Yes, we can." With that answer he went and proposed on our behalf that we were to pay the cartman double the fare and drive the cart, and that he should walk on foot along with cart for the rest of our journey. One cartman agreed as it gave him an opportunity to earn his fare and also saved him from being polluted.

     It was about 6.30 pm when we were ready to start.. we put our luggage in the cart, thanked the station-master, and got into the cart.. Not very far from the station there flowed a river. It was quite dry except at places where there were small pools of water. The owner of the cart proposed that we should halt there and have our meal as we might not get water on our way. We agreed. He asked us to give a part of his fare to enable him to go to the village and have his meal. My brother gave him some money and he left promising to return soon.

We were very hungry and glad of the opportunity to have a bite.. We opened the tiffin basket and started eating. We needed water to wash things down. One of us went to the pool of water in the river basin nearby. But the water really was no water. It was thick with mud and urine and excreta of the cows and buffaloes and other cattle who went to the pool for drinking. In fact, that water was not intended for human use. At any rate, the stink of the water was so strong that we could not drink it. We had therefore to close our meal before we were satisfied and wait for the arrival of the cartman. He did not come for a long time all that we could do was to look for him in all directions. Ultimately he came and we started on our journey.

... By midnight, we reached toll-collecter's hut. It was situated on the foor of a hill. WHen we arrived, we saw a large number of bullock-carts there. all resting for the night. We were extremely and wanted vey much to eat. But again there was the question of water. So we asked our driver whether it was possible to get water. He warned us that the toll collector was Hindu and that there was no possibility of our getting water if we spoke the truth and said that we were Mahars. He said, "Say you are Mohammedans and try your luck." On his advice I went to the toll-collecotr's hut and asked him if he would give us some water. "Who are you?" he inquired. I replied that were Musalmans. I conversed with him in Urdu, which I knew very well, so as to leave no doubt that I was a real Musalman. But the trick did not work and his reply was very curt. "Who has kept water for you? There is water on the hill if you want to go and get it. I have none".

This incident has a very important place in my life. I was a boy of nine when it happened. But it had left an indelible impression on my mind. Before this incident occurred, I knew that I was an untouchable and that untouchables were subjected to certain indignities and discrimination. For instance, I knew that in the school I could not sit in the midst of my class students according to my rank but that I was to sit in the corner by myself. I knew that children of the touchable classes, when they felt thirsty, could go out to the water tap, open ot and quench their thirst. All that was necessary permission of the teacher. But my position was seperate. I could not touch the tap, and unless it was opened by a touchable person, it was not possible for me to quench my thirst... All this I knew. But this incident gave me a shock such as I never received before, and it made me think about untouchability which, before this incident happened, was with me a matter of course as it is with many touchables as well as untouchables.